Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Frydenberg, Minister for Coal Environment, speaks

The environment for coal is poor, it's even claimed to be not only  critically endangered but inevitably doomed by some misguided greenies and shills for the sun, not Shell or something bloody else decent - such as my partners and former employers at Deutsche Bank

Coal is good for you  You fucking peasants have been told! Listen to Homo Erectoid guru Tony Abbott clearly repeating it, over and over, in communion with the higher powers residing in and around the suppository of wisdom, an exclusive and somewhat unusual blue LNP cravatte, worn, um, internally. 

Not just good for you, bloody brilliant. Recent trials have confirmed that coal is an absolute killer when it comes to male pattern baldness. You can kiss that monkey goodbye. My hair is thicker than it ever was. Advanced hair, eat your heart out

It's not kaputt or defunct, simply resting, languidly extending and stretching its toes under the bucket carelessly kicked over by communists, Elon Musk and Lee Rhianon of the Watermelon Party. And there is plenty that my ministerial Fist of Frydenberg can do to save this keystone of our spirituality, the most prized fuel for the sacred combustion engine in our soul

It's not too late for coal, it's just coming into its own. Climate change can't faze it. If the wet bulb is at 40c and all living things have expired, coal will just carry on, it has no need to perspire, just inspire(poetic, don'tchaknow)

Policy detail will surely follow, yada yada, when it suits me, and I have received my instructions from the gentlemen of the bank, and the club

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