Monday, July 13, 2015

Type A Personalities

Whatever happened to KRudd and his Labor Party Stooges

What are we reduced to? The A-Robb rapping out all the A-holes around him?



Barnaby Joyce's face on the coinage, gives twice the marketing value, the farmers get bulldust to fertilise their land, and China gets coal, and Gina Rinehart gets to sing an aria in a shower of money, all with her Barnaby on it.

 

Welcome to Country.

It's a song celebrating the redemptive catharsis of burning hydrocarbons, turning the land into an ethereal gas



Brain-damaged Jesuit and Australian PM Hairshirt Harry has chafed at the lycra full bodysuit he has been confined to, and plotted a way to make an entrance in the budgie smugglers he loves, and here he is, wedgying all his colleagues in a friendly gesture of love


And the fat lady sings

Is that a marine gastropod in your um... pocket? Or are you just pleased to see me

My children don't understand me ... they have this enormous sense of entitlement and I can't, for the life of me, see where they got it from

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Our ABC, or, when He smiles everyone smiles with Kim Jong Un



Kim, his wife, and the North Korean propaganda apparatus love the Alqaeda Broadcasting Corporation. And the affection is returned, so much so that he is now producing news broadcasts with ABC stalwart Andrew Bolt


Andrew has such great ideas, and he loves to wave the flag, even if he has to adopt a disguise

Monday, June 29, 2015

Angela is unhappy


The negotiations are going swimmingly. Jeroen Dijsselbloem blithely whistles up a tune

Oh, how I love money
Mummy, money, for me


Christine Lagarde of the IMF thinks Greek Minister for Games Yanis Varoufakis is infinitely charming (Really!)



Angela Merkel has had a succession of Greek toyboys, who have always been so accommodating, George Papandreou was only kidding when he called a referendum, making a jole at his own expense, amd Antonis Samaris always had some lovely wine and a big fat joint waiting for her whenever she dropped by.

So this unmannered oaf Tsipras is quite a shock to the system, I'm scared he'll start rifling through my purse. Where's Sarko, at least he waited till he thought I was asleep

Monday, June 22, 2015

Euro jugglers

Super Mario, or, the man with the Golden arse

Recently unearthed archeological evidence seems to to support the myth that legendary Etruscan Central Bank head Tarquinius Draghi did really shit gold coins. Some might see this as a curse. He had to keep regular.

Quantative easing every morning before breakfast keeps me content. If I don't shit, I die

Has anyone see Elvis? Or Vladimir Putin? This is Alexis Tsipras.


Another IMF romance - Rough Love  of Christine Lagarde and Varoufakis, Talking about Euro golden showers



Mutual admiration society - Schaeuble and Varoufakis


The spirit of Varoufakis

Monday, June 15, 2015

On Water Matters: Creatures from the Lagoon

They are unmentionable in polite society
but
something has to be done, no questions asked
Stop the Marine Invertebrates.

Species of the genus Nudibrandis are known for spectacular venomous growths around their anus. They are produce no toxins and stinging cells themselves, but preserve and concentrate them from their diet

Nudibrandis Brandis Georgii and Nudibrandis Thingii


Nudibrandis Brandis Georgii defecating.

These hermaphroditic invertebrates emit a wide array of noises. perhaps to attract a mate, or put a meal to sleep. These sounds have an incredible resemblance to droning yet overwrought human speech, hence the vulgar names Attorney-General Slug, or Troll Slug


The Blue Ringed Dutton often appears to have its lips sewn shut, but don't be fooled by this ruse. Endemic from Maryborough to Tweed Heads, this poisonous creature can deliver a hotshot that will kill in moments.

If a Nudibrandis Brandis eats a Dutton, it becomes extremely dangerous


Don't be a political girly man. Don't touch the hair.

When first observed Matthias Cormann appeared to be a new species of moray eel. After further investigation it was classified as a giant tubeworm with an anemone on its head.

And don't get Cory Bernardi started on the marriage laws!


Friday, June 5, 2015

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Citizen Governor, have a chocolate


While poor Bjorn Lomborg was pushed out into the Indian Ocean in an orange lifeboat, not everyone hates refugees. 

Petro Poroshenko not only gave lonely exile Mikhael Saakashvili asylum, he threw in a box of chocolates, Ukrainian citizenship, and made him governor of Odessa


Pro-Ukrainian citizens are thin on the ground in Odessa as fresh-faced fascists from the Kyiv post report. They require the encouragement of the strong


In the absence of suitable citizens PM Arseniy Yatsenyuk knows he'll have to manufacture or import some. 

Would Australia export live animal Scott Morrison to be the new governor of Odessa? Morrison was too busy sneering at people (for operational reasons) to consider the role.



John McCain knows all manner of political corpses. There's a filing cabnet full of the undead at Foggy Bottom. He had a suggestion. Saakashvili. our former zombie on the spot in Tbilisi, is now surplus to requirementshad to make a quick exit, try him.

His record on human rights is questionable, that should be perfect


He knows what will happen should he fail

Gina di Hancock-Lammermoor - the setup


Barnaby Joyce sings an aria to Gina Rinehart

I want to be your handbag.
 Prince Charles dreamt of being a tampon

offstage we hear Andrew Bolt
keep your effin' hands off her - she's mine

she responds

I am betrayed - you call yourself court jester
Open your mouth and say something useful
I want revenge on that little bitch
see me rage - I'll go mad



Vroom vroom
We hear wolf-whistles from the audience as
Bianca Rinehart says to her ma:
give me the keys to the big truck,
you know you promised to

Gina shrieks


An interlude of farce - PM Tony Abbott intervenes

Bianca - come to Jesus
You know you want it

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Lucky I didn't step in it


Like God, the Catholic Church DOESN'T EXIST. Do you expect me to remember who lived with who, or every child who came through the door?

So sue somebody else!

Papal Bull?

Cardinal Dogshit, in every direction, as far as the eye can see...

George Pell

Monday, May 18, 2015

Putin Putin Putin - Oil Oil Oil


Capn BigEars loves a sporting event. When fellow fossil fuel dinosaur Vlad Putin took to the ice for a game of hockey and struck oil 8 times how could he not get excited.


Coal is good for you(I have a couple of lumps in my tea every morning), but oil is the elixir of life

Team Australia - all together now

Putin
Putin
Putin
Oil! Oil! Oil!

Thursday, May 14, 2015

King Salman farts poison gas


He had to excuse himself from dinner with Barack Obama because of an embarrassing problem. Sarin is no joke at the table

Undead States of Saudi Arabia


Adel al Jubair demands a US Zombie Armada to bomb Yemen and Iran. Undead States Secretary of State John Kerry is chided as a peacenik. You didn't invade Syria when we gave you the opportunity on a plate.

But Kerry will only provide military equipment. You have plenty of zombies of your own

Budget, Act 2: the Laughs are on Us


To his colleagues raucous amusement, Joe Hockey gets a good laugh in at the expense of designated scapegoat Malcolm Turnbull. No-one(not even Julie Bishop) seems to care that Joe isn't wearing any pants.


Joe and Tony  Abbott are proud parents baptising their little baby as Warren Truss and Julie Bishop pledge to love it should anything go wrong. Never mind that last year's child was stillborn


To mark the occasion, Chris 'the Poodle' Pyne and fattened steer Scott Morrison vow to go out and kick expectant mothers in the guts

Monday, May 11, 2015

Paul Singer Self-Love Seat


Bjorn Lomborg's benefactor Paul Singer explains that he is not a vulture capitalist. Pursuing Argentina for bonds he picked up for a song is a part of his campaign to protect the integrity of capitalism.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Rushing to save the Condemned



Diplomatic Emergency

Tony Abbott rushes to save the condemned. Or harvest their souls like a deathbed priest


Myuran Sukumaran


Andrew Chan points out death before they look their killers in the eye


For Jokowi this is excellent, Indonesia is so hardcore, Megawati is sated, and as far as that noxious Australian PM is concerned I proved I do not [ Eric Cartman voice] respect his authority! This is something to celebrate.

 He orchestrates a metal version of the national anthem


Tony Abbott is not going to let Jokowi celebrate this grisly farce on his own. From his padded cell in Canberra he contains his ANGER by issuing press releases about how, like him, we should be angry, angrily containing our angry(but contained) anger. Our Justified Anger. We should not act on the basis of our angry, yet restrained yet angrily expressed anger. Angry measures of anger, hogsheads.

It would be a tragedy not to gain an advantage from this.

Jokowi and Tony have so much in common - Tony's listening to God Save the Queen and fantasising about Prince Harry

Sunday, May 3, 2015

The Lomborg Consensus



Greg Hunt loves a benign environment and is always eager to please.

He has been busy handing millions to fossil fuel multinationals and looking for ways to hand over billions more. They are so pleased they had to come up with a special gift for him in return.

Poor Bjorn Lomborg is homeless and destitute, evicted from Denmark and barely sustaining himself on a pittance from a vulture capitalist and some other philanthropists.

 A man who can misrepresent statistics with such elan cannot be allowed to go to waste.



 They had a word to their good mate Tony Abbott, and he loved the idea. Chris Pyne is always gorgeously presented, so Tony gave him the job of wrapping the gift, then he and Peta would go and deliver it

Hunt is scared of Peta Credlin.


He saw her tear strips off Julie Bishop in front of everyone. Bishop had her laser eyes bolted shut, by order of the whip



Tony - your fly's undone


Hunt's Environment

Poor homeless Bjorn Lomborg is persona non grata in his native Denmark. Peta Credlin sent him over and now he won't shut up. There's an environment of consensus in Hunt's office. Find somewhere for Lomborg, somewhere remote




All that remains is for Malcolm Turnbull to calibrate Lomborg for Australia's notorious conditions



Julie Bishop will hold a big party when he gets to WA, MCed by Matthias Cormann, with laser displays and an extra heavy duty dance floor for Gina Rinehart and the rest of the herd to carve up in harmony and consensus

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Gina Rinehart seeks Dance Partner


Fresh from rave reviews for starring in her own production of Marikana, our favourite operatic diva sought to expand her dominance of the world's pits and opera houses to further domains.

Her next production will be an all-dancing megahit to outdo Imelda Marcos.


Meanwhile, I'll step out on the town, and practise my moves, but I'll need a partner
I'm just a little waif, so I need a weighty intellectual, a man with a pulpit to express my opinions.


What's a billionaire to do? There's Andrew Bolt or Barnaby Joyce. 


But what if he's dancing with Rupert?


  

This nice chap from the Menzies Institute might do. So articulate and brave, voracious and all-consuming. Oh Atlas, his suit extends to infinity, such all-encompassing perspective


Don't laugh at the hippo after a night out raving
- very dangerous