Rebecca Brooks, the innocent at the helm of News of the World and the Sun while those free spirited Murdoch journos hacked every phone in existence(even hers, frequently, ... hohoho)
After an emergency visit to her lawyers in New York, and as the Milly Dowler story broke, a stream of character references appeared by SMS on her phone. And some handy advice on blame-shifting and concocting an 'independent' investigation from 2 paragons of virtue, Piers Morgan and the haunted head of Tony Blair.
Her PA, Cheryl 'Nightsoil' Carter is a silly ditz, but she loves her. She doesn't know the difference between MI5 and a MFC furniture warehouse. Isn't that cute? Something came over her, a crazy whim, and she began to gnaw on her bosses diaries. She requisitioned 12 boxes full from the company repository, and ate them all!
This illustrates the company's practise, everything done on a whim. Like Glenn Mulcaire hacking Millie Dowler's phone, entirely on a whim. The story was on the front page, but it came to the journalist's attention in a vision, and was confirmed by a remote viewer - At any rate I know NOTHING, I see NOTHING, but it's been a very difficult time, with unkind people questioning my incorruptible morals). We have a very hands off management style at News , and Rupert pays no attention to the business whatsoever
Her husband, one of her majesty's horses, called Charlie, is another dumb clutz who took it upon himself to hide his porn collection - not even a shadow of GCHQ's - and a few computers BEHING THE BINS as the police were about to raid. Rebecca slept right through it. When she found out she had to ask - what was he thinking? I'm innocent and here you are making me look guilty. Do the jury get to look at his dirty pictures? Is this part of a male chauvinist campaign to bring down a successful feminist businesswoman, defender of the page 3 girl?
To present a more coherent defense we have engaged AIDS specialists from the Egyptian military who have united us as a chimeric lion and unicorn - and contrary to some libellous slander - not as a conjoined centaur with a teratoma. Genetically modified chimeric organisms represent the future of journalism and the law
We have always taken the high moral position, but some of our rivals practise gutter journalism