Monday, May 18, 2015

Putin Putin Putin - Oil Oil Oil

Capn BigEars loves a sporting event. When fellow fossil fuel dinosaur Vlad Putin took to the ice for a game of hockey and struck oil 8 times how could he not get excited.

Coal is good for you(I have a couple of lumps in my tea every morning), but oil is the elixir of life

Team Australia - all together now

Oil! Oil! Oil!

Thursday, May 14, 2015

King Salman farts poison gas

He had to excuse himself from dinner with Barack Obama because of an embarrassing problem. Sarin is no joke at the table

Undead States of Saudi Arabia

Adel al Jubair demands a US Zombie Armada to bomb Yemen and Iran. Undead States Secretary of State John Kerry is chided as a peacenik. You didn't invade Syria when we gave you the opportunity on a plate.

But Kerry will only provide military equipment. You have plenty of zombies of your own

Budget, Act 2: the Laughs are on Us

To his colleagues raucous amusement, Joe Hockey gets a good laugh in at the expense of designated scapegoat Malcolm Turnbull. No-one(not even Julie Bishop) seems to care that Joe isn't wearing any pants.

Joe and Tony  Abbott are proud parents baptising their little baby as Warren Truss and Julie Bishop pledge to love it should anything go wrong. Never mind that last year's child was stillborn

To mark the occasion, Chris 'the Poodle' Pyne and fattened steer Scott Morrison vow to go out and kick expectant mothers in the guts

Monday, May 11, 2015

Paul Singer Self-Love Seat

Bjorn Lomborg's benefactor Paul Singer explains that he is not a vulture capitalist. Pursuing Argentina for bonds he picked up for a song is a part of his campaign to protect the integrity of capitalism.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Rushing to save the Condemned

Diplomatic Emergency

Tony Abbott rushes to save the condemned. Or harvest their souls like a deathbed priest

Myuran Sukumaran

Andrew Chan points out death before they look their killers in the eye

For Jokowi this is excellent, Indonesia is so hardcore, Megawati is sated, and as far as that noxious Australian PM is concerned I proved I do not [ Eric Cartman voice] respect his authority! This is something to celebrate.

 He orchestrates a metal version of the national anthem

Tony Abbott is not going to let Jokowi celebrate this grisly farce on his own. From his padded cell in Canberra he contains his ANGER by issuing press releases about how, like him, we should be angry, angrily containing our angry(but contained) anger. Our Justified Anger. We should not act on the basis of our angry, yet restrained yet angrily expressed anger. Angry measures of anger, hogsheads.

It would be a tragedy not to gain an advantage from this.

Jokowi and Tony have so much in common - Tony's listening to God Save the Queen and fantasising about Prince Harry

Sunday, May 3, 2015

The Lomborg Consensus

Greg Hunt loves a benign environment and is always eager to please.

He has been busy handing millions to fossil fuel multinationals and looking for ways to hand over billions more. They are so pleased they had to come up with a special gift for him in return.

Poor Bjorn Lomborg is homeless and destitute, evicted from Denmark and barely sustaining himself on a pittance from a vulture capitalist and some other philanthropists.

 A man who can misrepresent statistics with such elan cannot be allowed to go to waste.

 They had a word to their good mate Tony Abbott, and he loved the idea. Chris Pyne is always gorgeously presented, so Tony gave him the job of wrapping the gift, then he and Peta would go and deliver it

Hunt is scared of Peta Credlin.

He saw her tear strips off Julie Bishop in front of everyone. Bishop had her laser eyes bolted shut, by order of the whip

Tony - your fly's undone

Hunt's Environment

Poor homeless Bjorn Lomborg is persona non grata in his native Denmark. Peta Credlin sent him over and now he won't shut up. There's an environment of consensus in Hunt's office. Find somewhere for Lomborg, somewhere remote

All that remains is for Malcolm Turnbull to calibrate Lomborg for Australia's notorious conditions

Julie Bishop will hold a big party when he gets to WA, MCed by Matthias Cormann, with laser displays and an extra heavy duty dance floor for Gina Rinehart and the rest of the herd to carve up in harmony and consensus

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Gina Rinehart seeks Dance Partner

Fresh from rave reviews for starring in her own production of Marikana, our favourite operatic diva sought to expand her dominance of the world's pits and opera houses to further domains.

Her next production will be an all-dancing megahit to outdo Imelda Marcos.

Meanwhile, I'll step out on the town, and practise my moves, but I'll need a partner
I'm just a little waif, so I need a weighty intellectual, a man with a pulpit to express my opinions.

What's a billionaire to do? There's Andrew Bolt or Barnaby Joyce. 

But what if he's dancing with Rupert?


This nice chap from the Menzies Institute might do. So articulate and brave, voracious and all-consuming. Oh Atlas, his suit extends to infinity, such all-encompassing perspective

Don't laugh at the hippo after a night out raving
- very dangerous

Friday, April 17, 2015

Keeping Clive Palmer inflated

It keeps a lot of energy to keep Clive inflated and aloft, a lot of lunches and dinners, breakfasts, and buffets. But it's a little known secret that Clive has a tar sand deposit all around his pancreas for moments when all have deserted him, the kitchen is closed, and he has to fly solo.

That's why his farts stink so bad

What Tsipras heard

What Tsipras heard
(dressed in bit and pieces of Samaras's and Papandreou's old suits)
 Putingling Imputinations of putinulent poontang
from that imputinent Putler,
Vladimir Putin

The Soviet Union of Standup Comics
declared Stalin the greatest comedian of all time
but, between you and me,
I am much funnier.

I am Daddy Stork of Mother Russia

 leading the two-headed goose against the bald vulture of Anglo imperialism

Charle Spider Scribble

Does Prince Charles send hand-written secret missives to ministers in Australia, and have a right to 'consultation' on legislation, as in Britain(where these letters have recently been made public)?

It must be something to get 60 pages of spider scrawl from the pen of none-too-bonny Prince Charlie

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Ship of Fools: The PM is not responsible

Anthony Albanese knows: there's brass in muck, but what a mess


SS Tony - a refugee vessel, seeking asylum without maps or charts, mined, primed to explode, the engine self-sabotaged.

 Where's the Great Helmsman?

Now Tony, repeat after me

"I may be PM but I'm not responsible"

 Look over there, it's Bill Shorten. If you want anything done you'll have to talk to him


But can he defuse IEDs disguised as a patriotic gnome lurking in the long grass

Joe Hockey's overboard, not drowning just waving

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Fire: Madame Speaker's psychic projectiles

Firing Dum Dum bullets like Tony Abbott is a feint, a ruse. 

No Such Agency has been at work. Bronwyn Bishop's hair shields a mighty capacitor for the Fool Spectrum Dominance Mind Ray. Powered up by cheap jibes and vitriol, it turns Barnaby Joyce and Joe Hockey into the Thinkers, and makes Malcolm Turnbull's jokes funny.

 So ensuring adult rule forever!

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

In a bar in Minsk...

Commemorative Coprolite sculptures of Lukashenko and Putin pursue a chocolate Poroshenko with an  offensive joke. 

Merkel to Obama : "There were a Frenchman, a Russian and a Ukrainian in a bar in Minsk. A beautiful German walked in..."

I'm Lord Fink and I'm not Dodgy

UK Tory party financier with a share in a Swiss Money Cake. And a beautiful name

My feelings don't really matter

In the cause of equality Joe Hockey will kiss anyone, especially at a fundraising party

He can even get all wet with Dear Leader, Tony Abbott. Cory Bernardi can't bear to look ... away. He's still obsessed about Malcolm Turnbull getting it on with an amoeba

Dijsselbloem and Varoufakis

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Send in the clowns

Kevin Andrews - "really, I'm a lot uglier than that"

The barnacles, the debacles, the thrills of spills, day after day the parliamentary clown fire brigade outdo their latest triumph

Tony Abbott surrenders.

The liar in chief

Look Ma, I can do this without crossing my fingers

Bronwyn Bishop can only applaud her love-child's conduct and good government from the Speaker's chair

And who couldn't indulge the endearing antics of Christopher Pyne, leader of the clowns

Arthur Sinodinos  used to give advice to Johnny Howard on how to make the most of a cheap suit, now takes leave from the NSW ICAC to offer the Liberal party some advice in his role as Guardian of Government Morals.

Note the streamlined head affording high manoeuvrability in tight spaces in both forward and reverse gears