Billionaire saves Democracy

Like a Bondi cigar bobbing in the surf, the spectre of K Rudd haunts Australian politics

 

Interrupting his historic work relaunching the Titanic, World's Greatest Queenslander (of all time) Clive Palmer has some important advice for L-Plate premier Campbell Newman

 

 Politics 101 - Lesson 1

Don't put out the garbage yourself, that's what ministers are for

Lesson2

Don't upset billionaires. Wayne attacked billionaires when the Labor party was at 52%, and now now it's 22%

Lesson 3

Reread lesson 2 - look what happened to KRudd

Lesson 4

There's no need for influence peddlers in the party, when real naked interest is available, and I'm always available

 

It's been a real pleasure and I remain the last sentry at the gate to defend democracy in this country

Enough bull$hit, I'm off to the barricades to save the workers

Gina Rinehart's new opera: "Marikana"

 

With fantastic aria's including:

$2 a day

get back to work or I fire

and

a great diva deserves it all

 

Wonders what a bit of TV makeup can do. Just ask Mitt Romney

Gina's well known for her operatic work. At the press conference she couldn't help but belt out "I work hard for my money", as if to prove "I'm no snob"

Hunchback of Downing St

Midas powers in reverse: Everything George Osborne touches turns to shit. So pity that door knocker

Berejiklian smells the people

 

Tuck your Berejiklian shirts in

you bunch of O'Farrells

Get out and Abbott, you Bairds

How humilaiting to be seen on public transport!

It's a bitter pill for Gladys to swallow. Standards of deportment and grooming must be maintained

 

The uniform must be spotless. Maintain the brand. Passengers fingernails are to be inspected...

Bonking Boris Bankster better not come to town, he'll be sent home to comb his hair

Tony Abbott learns to read

 

Tony, this is a briefing document. You may remember these from your time as a federal minister.

Note for Julie Bishop. You should hang out with Tony more often: you seem sane and educated by comparison

pussy riot

 

Eh Putinator, take a kick in the arse "in the name of god"

Chatbot Mike McFaul laughs at his discomfort. Putin can see him!

"That's below the belt, attacked by girls. This is worse the the beatle$"

He confers with Russian Olympic officials in London. "I like to wrestle tigers. With judo throw I can land these foreign-backed witches in gulag. I call for leniency. Minimum term is two years"

But how exorcise that chatbot, for that we must wait and see

Feather duster a rooster again

 

Sick of bush-walking and doing Abraham Lincoln pastiches on the standup circuit former NSW premier Bob Carr has got himself a new job as minister for US interests in the ALP with special responsibility for delivering Julian Assange

Meanwhile Assange is settling into solitary confinement at the Ecuadorian embassy in Knightsbridge

 

Facts are sacred and my lawyer is naked

That's no Kenny Everett hand...

That's the Bain strangling hand

Ryan: No taxes for deserving corporate persons

Mitt 'Romnoid' Romney : I pledge to be a deserving corporate person

Malcolm Turnbull waits, and salivates

 

 Australia would have to be the only country going which would seriously consider a merchant banker as a sober alternative Prime Minister. 5 years into the financial crisis. We have a hairy monk to thank for that. Savonarola in budgie smugglers

But a merchant banker is a merchant banker. it will be interesting to watch for liberal policy to fix the NBN for corporate and financial sector profit over public interest. And somehow protecting Foxtel's  sports cartel. 

Whatever contortions are required

 

monetizing existence is rewarding... fruit of the pin-stripe plant, an invasive weed

More merchandise

For devotees of the Socialist pantheon, we introduce the all-new Babushka Buddha series of Latin American revolutionary leaders. Opening Hugo Chavez reveals Fidel Castro - with complimentary cigar. Peel him away to find Che Guevara. Next is Allende - imagine Kissinger bombing his palace.  Then comes Evo Morales in a cornbread headdress. Inside them all, long-necked Simon Bolivar, wearing an angular military hat

A big shout out to all my money

 

Whether hot and anonymous, or relaxing in tax havens: Mitt Romney dreams of a plutocratic orgy in Washington

Trust me, I worked for Goldman Sachs

Mario Draghi takes Gordon Brown Pudding for a walk

Bullingdon boys at the Olympic

Check the merchandise! Free Boris Bankster with every happy meal.

Or, for those who come second, Lord Dave Snooty, Cameron of the (British Virgin) Isles

George Osborne reminisces:  When I was at school I wore a necklace of Bob the Builder dolls to give me power over those other idiots. To those ambitious schoolboys out there I would suggest - a string of Boris Banksters adorning your throat will take you far...

"you fired": pre-game entertainment

 

 A new gladiatorial event at the olympics: presidential campaigning

 

Kevin Costner as Mitt Romney. Who else could play him? Twin talents for epic disaster

Lieutenant Minnie to the bridge : Kim Jong-Uhuru takes command

Aboard the Great Leader Enterprise Kim Jong-Un purges the geriatric generals and promotes Minnie Mouse to head of the army, and Dumbo is to be interior minister

face of a banker: Lord HSBC. British minister for trade

 

Money laundering is a nice little earner. Making drugs illegal is a great spur to capital accumulation

The Pope markets his incontinence - perhaps by mistake

More evidence that satire has been overtaken by events

If you bankers descend into theft, debauchery and excess, don't leave me out of it!

German satire magazine 'Titanic' took the piss out of the pope, showing him 'having spilled a fanta' onto his cassock while celebrating the discovery of the source of leaks threatening the dark secrets of papal banking.

Now the pope has sued the magazine for libel, ensuring that der Spiegel picked the story up internationally. Is the continence of the Pope an article of doctrine(ie subject to Papal infallibility)? Did God have a brainfart?

According to Benedict, the Pope can hold his piss, and that's official. Those making claims to the contrary will be excommunicated.

Hilary Clinton theatrical mask

No 1: wide-eyed exasperation - "you're not following the script buddy"

The bankers pout = a consortium of octopuses

 

Bob Diamond, the face of the octopus

Dave's Gherkin, scene 2

Some fellow on the trading floor dropped his trousers for a bottle of Bollinger, but we'll soon get to the bottom of that (BOOM BOOM)

 

Sir Michael Agius, pouting on behalf of the Barclays board

It was some rogue trader what done it, but someone must show responsibility, so why don't I resign for a day and then resume my chair.

 

A phone call to Tucker, muddy the waters...

We'll have to throw Bob under the bus I'm afraid.

trust me, I'm from the Bank of England.

 

Call in independent director Sir Michael Rake(I'm not making this up). Looks like a wonderful chap, and wonderfully independent of course

Next up, George Osborne gets spanked, but will he enjoy it?

Geopolitical handshake

 

Barack Obama and Hu Jintao